Conversations
by YakuKikyo
Summary: When Fenris decided to keep his distance with the human after their first night together, Sebastian became closer to the two hurt souls and tried his best to put them together. However, the task is much harder than expected.


**This features the same Hawke as my other Dragon Age fanfic and both stories are linked, but it isn't needed to read both to understand what is going on.**

**This one occurs before the other fanfic obviously. It's mainly to show Sebastian mediator role between Fenris and Hawke (and showing Varric's relationship with Hawke too XD). And I know Sebastian's vocabulary only in French for now so if his way of speaking isn't the same as in English you know why. XD**

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><p>Hawke was sitting under a blooming tree. A few feet away from her laid her armour and sword. It was one of those rare sunny days where she hadn't anything to do and for the occasion, she had decided to take out Anders, Fenris and Isabela. She'd have loved to take out the others too, but…<p>

-Fenris, stop jumping on Anders out of jealousy ! kindly warned the woman.

She pushed the possessive male easily away and took the other one – who had immediately pressed his body against hers – in her arms.

-Good boy.

She kissed his forehead and ignored the intense disapproving glare the white one was giving her.

Close to the trio laid Isabela, she was lazily looking at the show with one single eye open. Hearing a familiar presence, she stretched her whole body and stood up to welcome the newcomer.

That person bowed and pated her head. His head looked up to look at the others. Fenris barely took the time to look at him, too focused on the infuriating display right in front of his eyes.

Sebastian smiled at the visible contentment of Anders. After laying the asleep Aveline and Varric on the ground as well as a bag, he took the time to take off his armour and put it with his bow and quiver near the tree. He then sat down, his back against Hawke's. If it had been an average woman he'd have wondered whether his weight would have been discomforting, but warriors-_female_ warriors weren't normal women.

-Merrill isn't with you ? asked the banished prince.

He lightly tapped his thigh, inviting Isabela in his lap. Something she was definitely not going to refuse.

-No…she was sick, so he preferred to keep her with him, she explained, worried.

She put Anders aside. Fenris immediately jumped forward to assess his dominance. She'd have usually do something but for once she'd let the weakest one sort out his problems on his own.

-Do not worry, I'm sure it's nothing, comforted the brown haired.

-I guess you're right.

Her weight became heavier against his back as she shifted in a more comfortable position. She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes.

The man let the silence settle itself between them for a while.

They were on one of those very rare green places inside Kirkwall's walls. On the top of a hill with the wall right behind them; the front was giving an interesting landscape : on the left, the Lowtown, on the right, the Hightown and more or less in the middle, farther away, you could partly see the docks. If the two of them could take their armours off so carelessly in such an open place, it was because it was almost impossible for them to miss anyone approaching; and armours weren't exactly the most comfortable "clothes", they were more than glad to be able take them off and simply appreciate the wind and sunshines.

The two of them would often meet here when they had a day off. It was a much nicer place for talking than the Chantry (or the woman's home). Without wanting to offend the sacred building in any way.

And he was sure Fenris wouldn't witness those "secret meetings". And vice versa, Eliana wouldn't know when the elf and him would meet inside the Chantry.

It was sometimes a delicate task to equally hear out and advice the two, but as a man of the Chantry, it was his duty to hear people's troubles out and advice them accordingly.

Still, never would he have expected back then, when he had first met the warrior, that he'd fight at her side. However, she had helped him more than once, he was merely repaying her.

Ironically, it was only once the tanned elf had rejected her that he had been able to repay her. And to also take care of the ex-slave. Both were equally hurt by the whole matter and the respective conversations (he had had with them) had eventually open them up to wider subjects.

Direct being meaningless, he was subtly trying to make those two fix up in a way or another. Only a blind person wouldn't see the deep attraction the two held for each other. In all honesty, he couldn't understand why the male warrior was so stubborn. Sure, his reasons were rightful, even so, he was certain that they'd vanish – or at least lessen – if he only let himself be where his heart was screaming him to. As for Eliana, she didn't even try to make a step forward, fearing the said step would only tear them even more apart. And he hadn't been able to change either of their mind yet.

It was a really tiring task…

A rubbing noise ripped him from his thoughts.

-Eliana !

A simple warning.

-Ah…sorry, I was daydreaming.

She moved her fingers from her red wrist and paid attention to the still fighting males again.

She reached out and lifted Fenris in the air.

-Stop doing that !

She rubbed her head against his.

-You know I love you, right ?

The archer couldn't help but roll his eyes. Absent-mindedly scratching Isabela behind her ears, he continued on their first subject.

-I guess Sebastian's absence means Merrill still hasn't come back from her visit ?

-No, it's such a pain, isn't it ?

He smiled.

-You love those kittens way too much.

Said kittens seemed to have decided it was eating time, because Anders sat right in front of him, eyes pleading, and mewled.

Slowly shaking his head, he bowed his body to his left and reached for the bag. He took out the cat food.

As soon as he did, the female kitten in his lap immediately stood up, attention focused on his hands and even Varric and Aveline woke up. Fenris struggled in the noble's hands, visibly more interested in the food than to assess his property on the human. Chuckling both at Sebastian's comment and at the cat's reaction, she put it down. He didn't even wait to land on ground to jerk out of her hands.

-You're spoiling them Sebastian !

-You're the one to tell me that ?

Originally, the seven kittens were found by the blood mage. She hadn't quite known what to do with them though, so Eliana had come over to see them. It had been love at first sight. Since the Dalish elf hadn't given them a name, the noble woman had felt that it was her duty to do so. And also to find them an owner.

The black one was named Merrill and had been given to the archer. The grey one, Isabela, had been given to the captain. Then there was the light brown and the shortest of all, Varric, that their leader had decided to take under her care. While the male red one, Anders, had been handed to the tanned ex-slave and the female red one, Aveline, to the pirate; the rest was easy to guess : the blood mage had kept the deep brown Sebastian, the healer had received the white Fenris (how close a wolf and a cat could be was a mystery to him) and the dwarf owned the black and white Eliana.

He wasn't sure whether the woman had had some cruel pranks in mind or a purpose when she had decided of the owners. It had failed either way. The first one who had given up was no one else than the male warrior. He had genuinely no desire to take care of a pet. Even less a pet baring such a name. Soon enough, Isabela had used the same argument. Eliana had then decided to take over Anders while he had taken Aveline. The revered Grand Cleric Elthina had raised an eye-brow, already not too fond of a first cat, but had said nothing.

Sadly, the war dog – and it was the proof the woman was no good at giving games, she had called him "Inu", meaning dog in some foreign language – Eliana owned was seeing the newcomers more as potential meals than anything else. It hadn't been a pleasing decision, but the warrior had decided to give the kitten over. Varric ended in his care while Anders…arrived in Anders' hands.

Once he had finished to give a bowl for each hungry animals, his ears noticed the rubbing sound again. Sighing, he shifted on his side, only holding her weight with his right shoulder; with his left hand he snatched the abused wrist. As a paradox at his sudden movement, his next action was done with care. He opened his palm, revealing a skin covered with scratches of different ages. Thanks the Maker, she hadn't opened any new one. Not now at least, but there was still a fresh one compared to the last time he checked on her.

The rubbing and scratching both hold different meanings. The more she was bothered, the higher were the chance of her rubbing turning in scratching.

He was certain that habit was linked to some hidden event in the woman's past, but so far he hadn't been able to open her up about it. In a way, she was harder to deal with than the stubborn elf.

This time, though, he could very well guess what was bothering the noble.

He let go of her wrist and took his earlier position again.

-You couldn't have known, Eliana.

She shook her head, very well knowing what the man was talking about.

-I shouldn't have let him live ! I'm the one who caused mother's death !

As best as she tried to contain her emotions, her voice was still dripped with pain and remorse. She felt glad that the Brother would always make sure he wasn't in her sight. It was much easier to speak that way.

-Mercy is a gift from the Maker. You shouldn't throw it away so easily, he said as neutrally as possibly.

She let out a dry chuckle before coldly replying :

-Say the one who showed no mercy to his family's murderers.

He let it slip on him. He knew she was simply turning her frustration on him.

-It was a mistake. I let hate and anger take over. Do not feel guilty. You did the right thing.

-I did not ! My mercy did nothing but bring death and destruction. I lost all of them, Sebastian ! One after the other, they all died because of my mistakes. Sometimes I can't help but think mercy is nothing but a curse !

The conversation had barely started and she was already on her edges. He wasn't surprised, though, Eliana had always felt guilty for her sibling's deaths and now that Leandra had died, she had virtually no family anymore. Apart an uncle she had talked about a few times, but he guessed they weren't exactly on good terms.

-Only the Maker could have predicted the future. Your mercy may have sometimes led to death, but I'm sure it saved more lives than it took.

She was quiet for a few seconds. He knew it wouldn't last though; her outburst would soon continue. He'd have to wait 'til she had calmed down before being able to properly speak with her.

And as he had expected… She stood up and looked him directly in the eyes.

-Right ! Thanks for that sweet talking you holy people feed us with ! Don't you realize it only upset me more ?

The man would have replied if he hadn't noticed an unexpected ally. He tried his best not to smile as Aveline rubbed her head against the female human's leg and mewled.

Animals were blessed with the ability to sense the other being's emotions. As they were able to feel the fear and the anger, they could feel pain and sadness.

As soon as Hawke was aware of the kitten, she calmed down. Taking her in her arms, she also looked down on the other kittens.

They had all stopped to eat as soon as the woman's frustration had started to outburst. Instead, they were looking at her with round eyes, ready to run away at any sign of violence. Varric was the only one who didn't seem bothered by the noise. Laid again, he yawned.

Hawke felt guilty, she shouldn't scream while the kittens were around. Wanting to apologize, she crouched down and stretched her free hand in their direction, the other one holding Aveline against her.

The cats must have decided the man was a safe spot because they made a few steps o their right, almost hiding behind him, but still having the woman in their sight.

She sighed in defeat and run her free hand in her hair. She put Aveline on the ground and looked the brown haired man in the eyes.

She had emptied herself for now. It was a good thing. Unlike the elf who once he'd snap would become deaf for the rest of the conversation and simply leave, the female human's outbursts would never last long and she'd be in a much more open state afterward. Therefore, he'd always maker her snap first. And since he was aware the _sweet talking_ of the Chantry tended to annoy her, he made sure to use it.

She sat down, her head laying on her palm. She very well knew what the man was trying to do and why he'd use words to upset her. It wasn't like they were wrong, but they were far too idealistic. The ideal she had hold when she was nothing more than a child, protected from the reality of the world, not understanding the reasons of their constant moves. But now…

-I know you're part of the Chantry and so you can't really help it, but do you really have to speak like that ? Can't you speak to me as a friend instead of a "client" ?

The prince couldn't help but let out a chuckle of amusement at the last word. Turning around completely, he gently took her right hand in his, spreading his warmth and comfort through his palms, and looked directly in her eyes.

As soon as she had felt her hand being taken she had looked upward to give the male a quizzical look.

-Then as a friend, Eliana, he slowly started in his kindest tone, Leandra wouldn't like you to mourn over her. Remember how eager she was to see you find a good husband and have children ? – her weak smile encouraged him – Even in her death, in their deaths, every parents want to see their children be happy. As her daughter, you ought her that. As a friend, I can't prove you the Maker's, Andraste's or any other gods' existence, but if they do, I know Leandra has joined them and is looking over for you from there – her eyes shifted for a few seconds, as if she was remembering something – And as a friend, Eliana – her attention was drawn to him again – the only person at fault in this turn out of events is the mage itself and no one else.

He stopped there, it was useless to add anything else. Instead he added more pressure on the captured hand.

Unlike the elf who hated contact, the woman loved it. The most obvious proof being her regular hugs (and her beyond _affectionate_ attitudes when drunk). He had been the first surprised when he had noticed the mutual attraction between the two of them. A dark side within him had honestly wondered how their first night had been, considering the tanned male's behaviour when touched. Did they sort of come to a compromise ? Like no more touching than necessary ? Did the elf surrender to the human's touches and actually found pleasure into it ? From what he had heard, he did quite enjoy the night after all. But it was certainly not his place to ask questions of this nature and as a man of the Chantry he certainly shouldn't think of those kind of things either.

He saw her sigh deeply, closing her eyes and silence took over for a few minutes. Eventually, she looked up at him again.

-Thanks.

She retracted her hand and stood up, apparently ready to leave.

The archer immediately raised his brow in suspicion. Sure, she was easier to talk when "emptied" but this had been far too easy. Normally she'd have replied she still was the one who had triggered the event, or something like that. Now she almost seemed like she was fleeing. Something else was bothering her and it was surely that, mixed with her mother's death that had caused the scratching.

His left hand swiftly caught her bruised wrist. His grip was tight enough to prevent her from moving farther away. She turned around and gave him a slightly irritated glare.

Next to them, the kittens had jumped at the sudden movements, not really knowing what was safe anymore.

-What happened ? he asked.

-Nothing ! I already had this conversation with someone else, so there's nothing to add ! Varric should soon arrive and I need to see him !

Someone else ? It was the first time he ever heard the noble had another confident. He couldn't help but wonder who it could be. Well, he wasn't quite sure she was actually telling him the truth.

-Are you sure ? You seem a little too eager to leave and you look nervous too.

-I'm not !

Hawke was starting to feel really irritated now. The man didn't seem to want to let her wrist go and the guilt from the previous night was starting to overwhelm her. She really didn't want to speak about it ! And her wrist was starting to sting again, begging to be rubbed.

Another confident or not, something else WAS bothering the woman. Sebastian let his mind wander for a while. Leandra had died yesterday and Eliana hadn't seemed particularly bothered by something, apart from her mother that is. So something must have happened between the time she had gone home and this morning.

-What happened last night ?

Her eyes slightly widened at the question and he could almost see her shiver in uneasiness. Something she wasn't proud of… Alcohol ? Or maybe whores ? He couldn't think of anything else. He wouldn't judge such an attitude, when the pain was too deep, trying to forget them was a normal thing to do, even if it lead to mistakes sometimes. However, neither of these options could possibly fit. Then what ?

-Are you going to let me go ?

It was almost a hiss. She certainly looked very much like a certain stubborn elf right now.

-Not until you've answered me ! he replied.

-Since when are you forceful ?

It was true. Forcing the other to speak wasn't in his habits, but she was an exception.

-I'm only like this because I know you need to open up and that whatever is tormenting you, it isn't worth to have you scratch your wrist to death !

Some ancient lashes must have been really deep to be still so visible now.

Hawke sent him a furious glare. However, he really didn't look like he was going to let her go anytime soon. She was quite sure to be physically stronger than him, even if demanding a certain strength, but beating an ally wasn't in her nature.

Eliana was obviously not going to listen so easily. So he did the wisest thing he could do right now. As he motioned to stood up, he let go of her wrist before to rapidly put his two hands on each shoulder so she couldn't escape. He lightly pressed his palms down, inviting her to sit down. She recalcitrantly complied. He let his palms on her shoulder until she was settled and as he sat again, he reminded himself she wasn't Fenris and that unlike him she'd most probably not try to run away anymore.

-It's Fenris, she started, he came yesterday.

Fenris ? Well, at least it explained who the other "confident" was. He was only half surprised. When Bethany had been killed, the elf had also rushed to see how the woman was, but she had merely pushed him aside and had passed her evening with her crying mother instead.

This time she didn't have anyone to comfort though…

He kept quiet, inviting her to continue.

-He came to comfort me – she looked up at him – with words ! she added as if the detail was really important.

The archer slightly nodded. He didn't quite see what was the problem yet. So something must have gone wrong… Unless she felt guilty again for the time with her sister's murder ? Even if it was the case, she'd probably not scratch herself for that.

She fell in quietness again and Sebastian knew he'd have to slightly push her to make her continue.

-Aren't you happy ?

The question may have sounded innocent, but it wasn't. Not the slightest.

She lightly shook her head, he knew it wasn't a "no" though.

-Of course I am ! But… - she shook her head again, a little stronger this time – I ruined everything !

The man raised his eyebrow. Ruined ? What could she have done to ruin the rare moments she shared with the elf since he had decided to keep his distance with her (almost an irony considering he had twice rushed over to see her) ? He'd expect her to act with care.

-What did you do ? he asked carefully.

She shifted nervously.

-I…kinda…forced myself on him ?

Her words had been barely audible and therefore, at first, he was pondering whether he had heard wrong or not. If he did, he'd have to ask the Maker for forgiveness and purify his mind from any twisted thoughts. He knew he was taking a slippery path, but he couldn't help without knowing what the problem was. Though, he already had an idea what it was.

-…You mean you tried to…?

He couldn't bring himself to end the sentence. It wasn't due to shyness, embarrassment or anything else. It was just the concept of "rape" sounded too wrong if given to the woman. It was as wrong as associating the concept of purity to Isabela.

-I know I shouldn't have ! But I was desperate ! I just wanted to forget about it ! And Fenris was there, so I—

She didn't continue and it took the banished prince a while to notice she was rubbing her wrist again. With a sigh, he gently pushed the aggressive hand away and took the burning skin in his hand once more. He didn't reply immediately, needing time to clear his thoughts.

It was true the elf and the human were different on many points, but they did share one strong common point : their lack of knowledge in love. It might sound strange and not really accurate, even so, it was the only one he could come up with.

Fenris didn't remember his past, but from his life as a slave and his life as a fugitive – before meeting Hawke – never the concept of love crossed his mind.

Eliana wasn't that different. Her mother being married to a mage, her life until she arrived in Kirkwall had only consisted of running away and fighting. It had first started as a game. A form of hide and seek with the templars. But she had eventually grown up and the game had turned into reality. It hadn't helped that when Malcolm Hawke died, Eliana had been the one who became the head of the family – due to Leandra's lack of fighting skills – and had had to protect the rest of her family as well as to take the decisions.

It had deeply affected the human, she acted the same with their party. To protect each single member of it was like a sacred duty – no matter the trouble they were in or what they did – and she would always fix up their mistakes. It also explained how she was able to keep the crew together despite how opposite they were and even if she herself didn't always agree with them (siblings didn't always get along either). At best, for Hawke, the party was nothing more than the extension of her family (which explained her affectionate attitude toward them).

To that he could also link her forgiving nature. No matter what her siblings did, she still trusted and protected them. Speaking of trust, he was partly surprised at how easily the woman could believe in others. It wasn't to the point of naivety, more like that even if she felt the trap she'd accept the job as a sort of last chance for the person.

Maybe she had turned that way – instead of being excessively suspicious – because she hadn't been the one chased. If she had been a mage, it may have been otherwise. She wouldn't have been as "free" as a warrior or a rogue.

As for what concerned love, she did have sexual experiences, but – apart from when the twins were born – the family had never stayed longer than two months at the same place. She never believed in "love at first sight" – she did admit her flirts with Fenris hadn't been out of love at the beginning (she didn't know when her interest had turned into love) – that's why she never had the opportunity to get close to anyone, apart from her family, and more importantly she never had to deal with her partners afterwards. Her family having the tendency to leave suddenly without telling anyone.

And there laid the core of the problem. Neither of them had learned how to deal with these kind of situations and now they were like on a stand-by, both aware their mutual attraction was still present, but too proud, stubborn and yet scared to act on it. That it was in going on or matching up with each other.

What Sebastian wondered though was if what they felt for each other was really love. He wasn't denying their closeness or their attraction. However, they were far to make it love. He was pretty sure what attracted them both was this : Fenris never had had someone who worried for his well being and had helped him more than once; Eliana was even easier, she had never been with someone for long and never had to break up; and since there was no running anymore the time passing might make her think her closeness and attraction was love. After all, she was close with every member of their party.

In all honesty, he didn't believe in love. Between mortals that is. Not the kind of "falling in love" at least. And even if it did exist, it was nothing more than a weakness (and could bring some headaches like in this current situation). Certainly, he wasn't denying that his point of view was biased by his education. As a noble and even more as a prince, love hadn't been encouraged. It'd have only brought troubles.

As a noble, Eliana should have been taught the same. However, unlike most families, her mother had run away with a mage she had fallen for. Therefore, he wouldn't be too surprised if love was valued. On the other side, Leandra had tried to find a good noble husband lately. It had only started after Bethany's death though. So he couldn't deny that Leandra's real wish was for her remaining daughter to settle down and stop getting troubles. He'd never know the truth… And it really wasn't the time to worry about that either.

Back to the subject ! No matter how he tried to look at it "rape" was unthinkable. Which could only mean one thing : he'd have to pray the Maker to purify his soul.

-You wanted to feel the warmth of someone. To ease your pain – he quietly explained, giving a light pressure on the wounded skin – You don't have to feel guilty about that. But…wouldn't… - he took a moment to think - …it have been enough to be in his arms (if the elf didn't mind the touch he guessed).

The warrior was purposely avoiding to look at him – it was so much easier than having to see the judgment in the archer's eyes (no one could be entirely neutral) – instead her attention was dragged to the white kitten, almost as a reminder.

-I know, you're right ! But it wouldn't have been enough. I'd still think about it and I'd only held onto him harder and harder. And you know how Fenris would eventually react.

Yes, he could easily guess… As much progress the male warrior might have made, he doubted gradually feeling "imprisoned" would be accepted for long. And that was only if he wasn't stubborn enough to "keep his distance" (to simply come to talk was already transgressing the "rule" wasn't it ? it was ironical how from a situation or another he'd either keep to it or push it away, it proved just how unstable his will was, concerning the human of course).

The prince didn't say anything, just moved to hold the hand instead of the wrist to communicate his warmth. They stayed like this only for a few minutes before light footsteps dragged their attention (as well as the kittens').

Sebastian let go of her a few seconds before the head of a certain dwarf was visible.

-Varric !

The female noble stood up and, followed by the kittens, almost run toward the rogue. The red-brownish haired dwarf welcomed the human's enthusiasm and wasn't even surprised as he was affectionately hugged.

-Now Hawke, were you missing my hairy chest so much ?

-Of course ! I have been crying every night only dreaming of your chest's return ! she joked back.

The rogue laughed, but his eyes scanned the woman's body language to decipher the slightest trace of pain. He had had to leave Kirkwall for two weeks and had just come back a few hours ago. A quick visit to Aveline had made him learned what occurred the day before. He'd have to go and see Daisy first when she'd come back to make sure she wouldn't say anything inconsiderate.

Strangers would have most probably thought the female human was perfectly fine. However, her happiness was slightly excessive – forced of course – her body hold a hint of tension you could only find in Elf in his especially good days and her facial expressions were the worst : micro-expressions kept appearing as if she didn't know which one to wear.

He supposed he wasn't arrogant in thinking he was particularly hawk-eyed. And he didn't like what he was seeing. She was in a worse state than for Sunshine's death. It was true she hadn't been the luckiest person lately. Responsibilities kept being added on her shoulders, it was indeed bothersome, and not only for her.

He was sharp, but apart from trying to change her mind, he couldn't think of anything to make her get over it.

The two of them arrived next Choir-boy who hadn't moved. During the time they arrived, he had taken out the food originally planned for two, but there was plenty enough for three. They sat down next to him and Eliana's head popped out from the opening revealing the shorter person's chest. Hawke immediately took the kitten out.

-There you are ! –she looked down at Varric – You really shouldn't take her with you ! It's dangerous !

-So you say, Hawke, but animals' instincts can be very useful, he replied.

He took a wooden glass filled with water (it was sadly the only option) and drank it before looking over at the two humans.

-But between us, Champion, you'd tell me if your love interest changed, right ? My spies told me you two were seen together quite often lately. I doubt Elf would appreciate the news, no matter how "over you" he is… Though… Choir-boy often gets the visit of the elf too. Now, Sebastian, just what do you have in mind ?

Unlike what most people would think, the story teller cared for every member of their group and had spies to keep an eye on them. Aveline did the same – with guards – but it was more as a duty than just care. He didn't think there was anything going on between them, but others could think otherwise.

-It'd be against my vows, reminded the banished prince.

-That's not a problem. What I mean is you should be more cautious or whole Kirkwall will soon be gossiping about a marriage between the Champion and the prince of Starkhaven.

They both made a face in response. Such an eventuality would only bring more trouble. Likewise assassins…

Hawke waved the conversation away and asked the others if they wanted to eat. During the meal, she asked if Bianca wasn't too jealous of the kitten. To which the dwarf responded that on the contrary, Bianca was a little too fond of Eliana and he was afraid to have to face a love triangle soon. After they finished the simple meal – bread and salami, how people of the Chantry didn't starve was a mystery – Varric took out a letter from one of his several inner pocket and stretched it toward the female.

-During my journey one of Tallis' "friend" gave me this for you.

The woman took it and used a butter knife to open the envelope. She unfolded the paper and started to read. A glimpse of gloom washed over her face, it didn't go unnoticed.

-Should we expect her visit any time soon ? the rogue asked and slightly bowed his body forward in the process.

She blinked once before answering :

-Oh no, no ! She's just giving me some news, nothing important !

A flat lie. He doubted he could make her talk though, so it was wiser to give up right away.

They spent a while together, with Varric mostly storytelling his journey. Next to them the kittens had turned into a playful mood, all of them for once and it was not rare for some of them to collide against humans and dwarf. The female human was partly distracted and was fondly looking at them. The dwarf almost felt sorry, but Hawke had become too important for having luxury for self-pity.

-I know it might not seem the most appropriate time for this, Hawke, but you haven't forgotten the party Lady Elegant is holding, have you ?

The human shrugged and gave him a sharp glare.

-Actually I wasn't planning to go.

If they had already learned about her mother's death, the event would be an open door to hell. False pity, "innocent" jokes, inappropriate questions and what not… Really, she was in no mood for that.

-You should go. It's the best advice I can give you for now. If you avoid it, they'll take the Amell family as fallen.

-Because it isn't ?

The joke had been icy.

-The Champion of Kirkwall represents both the Hawke and Amell family. And even if the poor are seeing you as a hero, most nobles wouldn't mind your death. Even more since you are a noble. Show them the tiniest sign of weakness and they won't hesitate to stab you in the back. Your absence would be like asking them to conspire again.

It was hardly an exaggeration. Hawke had never participated at any noble events (apart when they had helped Tallis but the outcome had been horrid). Before she became the Champion and even if she was the head of two families, the nobles didn't care about her, it was different now. The rogue hadn't thought it was the wisest decision, but he hadn't expected the nobility to take it so badly. It was a strange paradox that the human had become the most influent noble of the city and yet the most despised one among her kind. During Leandra's life, the despise had been soothed by the Amell's good nature, but from now on Hawke would have to entirely fulfil her duty as the head of the family. No matter her personal issues. It wasn't going to be pleasant, that was for sure; after all she hadn't exactly been raised like most nobles and hadn't been prepared for the cruel world of nobility, even if it was the one she should have belonged to.

-I don't care. There isn't anything to take from me anymore anyway.

The sight was simply pitiful. And not fitting a hero at all. What kind of story could he possibly come up with that ?

-If you're still able to say that than it means you didn't lose everything.

The reply had been harsh. Hawke only narrowed her eyebrows in response and then let out an exasperated sigh. She stood up and casted a dark glare at the dwarf.

-Fine ! I'll go ! I don't want to have you start stalking me ! Your spies are enough !

She stood up and put her armour back on. It took her a few minutes and Sebastian stood up to help her. When she finished to tied up her large blade on her back, she bowed to take the kittens she had brought (who weren't exactly happy to be disturbed in their game), unexpectedly helped by the rogue. The woman gave him a quizzical and suspicious gaze that he quickly reassured.

-I need to go back to see Aveline and since you have to bring Isabela back…

After a moment of hesitation, she handed the grey kitten over. She thanked him quickly before turning around and left, arms full of kittens. Varric didn't stay too long afterwards. Just the time for a little chat with Choir-boy to know how he was doing, his thoughts of the different events and some curiosity of the life in the Chantry. When he left, Sebastian could have left as well, but instead he decided to stay on his own for a while. Time for thinking, emptying himself and also readying himself for what was about to come. Because the dwarf had more than enough hinted that a certain "Elf" was waiting for him in the Chantry. And less joyful news, it seemed some rumours were starting to spread that the repeated visits Fenris was paying him weren't in pure intentions. Even if the rogue had said he had already taken some measures to annihilate the rumour, it was still deeply bothering the archer. If the elf heard about it, he'd simply stop to come to see him and all his work with him would be ruined. And if Eliana heard about it…she might start to distrust him, which would also ruin his work with her.

Somehow he felt envious of the dwarf. He didn't regret to have entered the Chantry, despite that, he couldn't speak as freely as before. First of all, he shouldn't openly tell people (often called "advice") what they should do. He was supposed to listen and forgive. And subtly explaining them what to do. As long as it didn't concern political spheres. There was a sleeping dragon in Kirkwall and that was exactly why the Chantry's neutrality was so important right now. A single word could lead to war. It had been true more than once. He couldn't deny though, that he was glad not to be tangled in the twisted political world anymore. Of course, as a prince, he'd have been the best in charge to teach Eliana about all the subtlety of being a noble, but it wasn't the place of a member of the Chantry.

He stretched his arms in front of him and yawned. He'd better go. Letting the elf alone for too long – especially with what seemed to have happened the night before – wasn't the wisest thing to do and seeing the broody warrior outside or inside the building could scare the weakest souls. And even if the Grand Cleric tried to help him, the ex-slave would most probably refuse.

After putting his light armour back on, he bowed to take the kittens and left the hill.

* * *

><p>Most people would have given up for hours already. However, if Fenris had learned something during his life of servitude it was patience. Maybe not for everything and certainly not when he was burning in anger, but he was really good when it came to wait for people.<p>

He had arrived rather early in the morning. Obviously not early enough though, since one of the Sisters had told him Sebastian had left and wouldn't come back anytime soon. A few hours had passed already and there was still no sign of him. Part of him wondered if something had happened to the human, the other part simply thought being part of the Chantry was making him busy. After all, he had to wait for him most of the time.

The elf had never thought he'd open himself like this to anyone. Well, there had been Hawke. But back then, he was simply grateful and so he had felt obliged to answer. He'd slowly become more open as he passed more time next to the woman. The archer was different… It had been a sort of accident. After his first night with the human noble, when he had decided he _couldn't_ be with her, he had started to drink again to cover his pain and sadness. One of those nights, Sebastian had come over. He doubted the man would have been able to open him if he had been sober. The warrior had been and still was surprised at the feeling of…relief ? he wasn't sure whether it was the right word or not; he wasn't exactly feeling "better", it was more accurate to compare it like a burning throat being appeased by honey. It was still there but bearable.

His conversations with the male had only concerned his "troubles" with their leader. The archer did have tried to make him talk about Danarius, in vain, and he had no intention to either.

In any case, his mind kept thinking back of the night before. He had known going to her was a bad idea. Not only because the last time he had wanted to keep her company as some sort of comfort he'd been simply ignored, but also because ironically enough more time passed harder it was for him to keep his distance with her. In fact, his mind was only clouded with her lately, even his desire of revenge toward Danarius was getting less and less important compared to his desire to be with the human noble. It was only a few months ago he had realized it. It was kind of sickening. To think about her and to know they should never be together (the way he wanted, wished, _dreamt_ even). And it was only getting worse. He had no idea how-

-Fenris !

The tanned male looked up as his name was called.

-Maker's sake, you're still here ? I already told you to simply tell one of the Sister you wanted to see me.

He merely shrugged. Both of them knew he'd always do it. He quietly followed the archer inside. But couldn't help to raise an eye-brow at the sound of mewls emanating from the bag of the male. As they passed next to Sisters and visitors, the warrior was thinking of how he should start the "conversations"… Maybe going straight to the point ? Usually Sebastian would have to open him like a shell, but this time was different. He'd make the first step for once.

They both climbed up the stairs in silence. The dormitories were in the west side of the Chantry. Each room were closer to a cell than a proper bedroom : sober, only one small bed and white walls. Toilets, bathrooms and changing rooms were at the edge of the corridor. As the only male in the Chantry of Kirkwall, Sebastian's case was a little different. His room had originally been one of the several guest rooms for high ranked people. Well, the only difference was that the room was slightly bigger, he had his own bathroom and toilets, his bed was of better quality, his door didn't have any opening and he had a piece of furniture where to put his clothes. It shouldn't be too different from the Elthina's room. And there was no doubt nobles would still be offended by the visible lack of luxury of the bedrooms.

As soon as the human closed the door of the room (Fenris wouldn't talk without being sure no one would hear them), the elf spoke :

-I can't take it anymore !

It had been so sudden, that it had the same effect as I he had been shouted at. The Brother slightly jumped as he turned around to stare at his companion.

He…couldn't take…what ? He was too surprised right now to think straight. Instead he opened his bag and put the kittens on the floor (who immediately went in the corner opposite to his bed where were food and water) before sitting down on his bed – who lightly cracked under his weight –and invited the other male to do the same.

-What happened ? he asked once they were at the same level.

-Hawke…I went to see her yesterday night.

So he was going to know what the "rape" was all about after all.

-I…

Fenris closed his mouth. It was harder than he thought. To think he had told himself he'd be straight for once.

-That I'd keep my distance with her. I… (how to formulate it) She… (surely describing would be the easiest way)

But…

-Did you transgress your vow ? asked the noble.

Vow may not be the right word, but the sentence was the softest way to express what the male was struggling with. And from the emotions in the green eyes…

-I…no…but I wanted to…I…really wanted to…

There was no confusion possible, both knew what they were talking about. He had no idea what Eliana had done to Fenris – and now it was clear that no matter what the "forcing onto" was, the ex-slave hadn't taken it badly, rather the opposite in fact – but it had shaken his will pretty badly. He wasn't surprised, since the beginning, despite the warrior's conviction it was for the best, he had felt he regretted his decision. He had suspected he'd falter and he had been proved right soon enough. Fenris had lasted much longer than he had expected (years) though, he had underestimated his stubbornness. However, if he was lucky, the elf would give it up soon (the wisest decision in his opinion) or his frustration would go over the edge (he seemed to be reaching his limits).

A frustration on many levels. To begin with, there was his frustration toward his past life and his amnesia. Frustration toward his ex-master and mages in general. And to this, with his decision, he had added his biggest and only growing frustration : Hawke. To be walking, talking, living beside the first person he had ever loved, without being able to _**be**_ with her. It had to get maddening at one point or another. Next to that was another frustration…a frustration everyone was hit with once reaching puberty… Of course, with the abuse he had gone through, Fenris wasn't the most fond of physical contact. But through Hawke, he had discovered that it could also be wonderful. Males as well as females had carnal needs (only those who had devoted themselves to the Maker had to be ashamed of them) and as far as he knew neither of the two had shared an intimate moment with anyone since their first and last night together. Even if they did, considering their current state, they'd feel awful. So indeed, no matter how he looked at it, there was no surprise in the elf's building frustration.

-If it was so hard, maybe it's the sign it has lasted long enough.

The warrior shot his head up and gave him a disapproving look.

-You know I can't do that ! he reminded.

-I know your reasons, but every living beings deserve happiness.

The ex-slave merely growled and shifted. Everyone was telling him the same : Merrill, Aveline, Varric, even Isabela, they all didn't seem to understand him, his decision, and were eager to push him in their leader's arms again. It was annoying.

Sebastian let the other one in his thoughts. As for Eliana, his conversations, at first impressions, didn't bring anything, it was always the same scheme and mostly the same subjects too. And yet, slowly, he knew those circles were getting smaller and smaller around their souls; they'd eventually react. He just hoped it wouldn't be too late.

-Have you thought of what you'll do once you've settled things with Danarius ?

The archer always brought up the question, even if the answer would always be the same.

-I don't.

Even after all this time, he wasn't sure whether the warrior was "scarred" of being aimless or really didn't know what to do afterwards. Which was pretty much the same.

From as long as the elf could remember, he had always lived as a slave. More than that, before living with the qunaris the word "freedom" was nothing more than a foreign concept some fools were fighting for. No matter how badly treated he was, he'd have never thought of leaving or imagining his life differently. Why would he ? He had never known a different life.

It's only when he'd been with fog warriors and had to kill them that he had realized there were alternatives. He had run away.

But what a strange runaway to Sebastian. The ex-slave had never hesitated to kill the men sent after him. However, he had never done anything to hide his marks either. With the appropriate equipment he could have properly hidden himself; instead he had chosen a rather light armour showing enough skin to reveal the lyrium marks underneath. An open invitation for anyone having heard of the reward of his capture.

Another odd point was that he had chased after Danarius. Certainly, the archer could understand he wanted to make the magister pay for all the things he had done to him. But would someone who really wanted freedom risk it for the solely reason of revenge ? Of course, the fact he had recruited Eliana could be a proof he sought it. However, it could as well be an action done in denial. After all, when he had realized the mage wasn't in the mansion, he had decided to stop running and patiently wait for him to come to him.

There were different explanations possible. The most simple was that indeed he just wanted his revenge and nothing more. It was the one the Brother believed less in. A decision, action or aim could look simple at first glance, but any little scratch would reveal otherwise.

Another possibility was that Fenris didn't know what else to do. He knew he didn't want the kind of life he had with the magisters, but had no idea how to live freely. Nothingness. And to "fight" against that feeling he unconsciously clanged to his previous life. It was a pretty normal reaction, however, it could hide a darker truth.

An eventuality he really wished to be due to nothing but pessimism. In that case, the elf's actions would be nothing but the actions of a spoiled child. He had run away, but was patiently waiting for Danarius to take him back. Oh, as a spoiled child he'd show some resistance, just to see how much his master would want him back. Ultimately, though, he wouldn't resist the human and would quietly follow him back.

There were also other possibilities, but the one above were the strongest. And beside those were an infinite combination of possibilities, people were complex being after all.

And then there was Hawke. Attraction or not, she had had a great impact on each member of the party. For Fenris...it could be taken as a proof he wasn't completely free from his life of servitude. It was unquestionable that she wasn't treating them as slaves, she wouldn't force them to go against their beliefs, asked for their opinions and equally shared the rewards, but as the leader she was the one to ultimately take the decisions. And even when they disapproved, they rarely did anything against it.

If that wasn't enough, the male warrior had fallen for her. That too could lead to infinite interpretations as well as the fact he had eventually rejected his feelings in keeping his distance with her. Pushing apart the reasons Fenris invoked... It could be simply fear. The theory of love, in most people's mind was this : to open your heart to the other, to let him or her see and touch your deepest weaknesses and scars, to know each others most intimate secrets. Considering the passed abuse he had gone through, it wasn't surprising Fenris was afraid of such a thing. And his logic telling him he didn't deserve such happiness was definitely not helping.

There was another possibility though... If...Fenris intended to return to his master...or...if he had _feelings_ for the magister...even if he denied it... In both case, his feelings for Eliana were a hindrance and it'd be best for him to stay away from her as much as possible.

He thought, and hoped, the warrior was just afraid and didn't feel ready though.

-Will you leave Kirkwall ?

He narrowed his eyes.

-I told you I didn't know !

Bad. The ex-slave was already getting a bad mood (surely because his frustration was making him even more prompt at snapping). Sebastian usually didn't bring up Eliana so early in the conversation, but it'd surely pick the elf's interest again.

-Then why not saying with us ? – he didn't react at the proposition – With Hawke ? he added in a lower voice.

It wasn't the first time he said that and yet he could clearly see his companion's body shivering.

-You know I can't do that, he repeated.

-It should be different once you've dealt with Danarius – he stared at the warrior a few seconds and added – Don't you want it ?

The banished prince wasn't expecting an answer. Fenris never answered, but today...he could see in his eyes he would. He couldn't help but feel curious. He knew he shouldn't, therefore, he let his friend took his time to answer.

-...Even if I wanted too... he started carefully. After what I did...

"I don't deserve happiness" mentally finished the archer. In the end, he had just repeated one of his several "excuses". So there was no progress after all... Though...at least he had actually answered this time.

-But what if she wants you just as much as you want her ? You can't pretend you don't see the way she's looking at you.

This time, Fenris shifted uncomfortably. Of course he had noticed. It was impossible not to... Even so...

-It's for the best, for the two of us. Even if I was a normal person... The love between an elf and a human... Of a noble and an ex-slave... People wouldn't understand. I don't want her kind to turn against her just because of me.

Silence settled between the two.

That was...

How come he had never thought of that ?

He considered himself as smart, but he was obviously blinder than he thought. Because really, now that he was thinking about it, it...indeed could become rather troublesome...

Unprepared for such an argument, he rapidly thought of a way to counter it. Something like "love can overcome anything" or other lame arguments were nothing but dreams. Reality was cruel. People wouldn't understand... How the Champion could fall for a slave...

A strange smile formed across the warrior's lips.

-See ? Even you can't think of against it !

The Brother's interest was suddenly picked up again. What was that ? Now, that was interesting... Had he been wrong all along ? Maybe he shouldn't have focused on Danarius. Maybe the real problem was simply laying in their racial difference. He'd have to think about it. There were surely ways to break the thought.

...

But for now he hadn't the slightest clue... It was a centuries old way of thinking...

He came back to the physical world as his eyes saw the tanned male. Leaving already ? That was too quick ! (déjà vu ?) They hadn't even-

There was someone in the doorway. Sister Dinath. He stood up quickly. If she had come here, it meant something serious must have happened.

She sent a quizzical look at the elf who lightly bowed his head in response.

-I should take my leave, he announced.

He passed through the door as the woman made a few steps back. She silently watched the marked male walked away.

-Did something happen, Sister ?

She slightly blushed in embarrassment as she looked at him.

-I- (she glanced at the white haired and then back at the human) I'm just-

She was searching for a good excuse, obviously, but didn't find any.

-...I know he's one of the Champion's, Maker bless her, companion, but- He- I doubt the Maker would approve of a warrior-a protector but a murder nonetheless-to spend so much time in such a sacred place.

Sebastian rose an eye-brow, remembering what the dwarf had told him earlier.

-Forgive me, Sister Dinath... Because, may Andraste in her generosity overlook my impure thoughts, for one second I thought you were insinuating I was breaking my vows. Or is it the fact he's an elf which is bothering you ?

Her pale skin coloured furiously as she started mumbling some incoherent sentences. She casted a glance in the direction the dark skinned male had taken.

It seemed the Maker had other plans for him, because people kept interfering in his duties. He'd have to meditate about it along other things. And he'd have to pray...for bringing up improper subjects...

He stood up and lifted an appeasing hand.

- Our day isn't over yet. Andraste's infinite compassion would rather prefer seeing us helping those in needs rather than debating who deserve her kindness.

She quickly nodded, buying the escape route, and turned to leave. He quietly followed her, but at his pace; when he reached the stairs, she had disappeared from his view and he could hear her footsteps from afar.

The rest of the day was eventless. As usual people, mainly humans, were coming to ask for forgiveness for their sins, some were coming for advice and the poorest, mainly elves, were begging for food. However, unlike usual, he let himself subtly casting glances at the others, to observe the sisters. He knew the distrust – hate even – between elves and humans was deep, but Andraste's kindness was above it, she didn't make any difference. He wasn't naive enough to believe all her servants showed the same kindness, rather on the contrary. However, he was still surprised to see the reactions of the sisters. Even if some, like Sister Dinath was trying to hide her annoyance, most of them were openly showing their disgust. In both cases, the elves were clearly feeling rejected, speaking low, full of shame and not daring to look them in the eyes. The only exception was the revered Grand Cleric Elthina; she was treating everyone equally. He felt glad about it. Those poor elves were treated badly enough in their daily life, they should at least feel at peace in the Chantry.

When the evening came, the sacred place gradually became empty. He took the opportunity to go in the meditation room. He wasn't surprised at the stoned room (with a shorter statue of Andraste) being empty. It was the time where they were usually either doing their chores or eating. Actually, they'd all pray and meditate together, but the Brother preferred to meditate on his own; it was easier not to get distracted this way.

He was seated down, legs crossed and his hands lightly placed on his thighs. Eyes closed, he was lost in his inner world, trying to decipher, interpret and find solutions for the endless trouble of his and his companions' life. He prayed for divine guidance.

He had no idea how long his mind had been wandering, his motionlessness (breath so low) almost making him being mistaken for stone. If he wasn't feeling so much at peace, he'd have been startled as something warm was placed on his left shoulder. He calmly opened his eyes and turned his head to look behind him.

-Revered Grand Cleric !

He was about to stand up when she lifted her hand.

-Tell me Sebastian, what is bothering you ?

He hadn't quite expected her to be so direct. Or to come to see him actually. The two of them weren't always getting along, but he deeply respected her. She represented the Chantry perfectly. How it should be at least. Twice in his life had he been lost and twice she had been the one to show him the way. Yes, maybe her wisdom would be able to give him the answer he had been searching for these last years.

He looked at the statue before him again. He didn't answer immediately. Grand Cleric Elthina would understand he needed some time.

-...I've been trying to guide two lost souls. To Andraste's shame, I wasn't able to help them. Today I realized I may have been walking in a fog all along. Tell me revered Grand Cleric, is it really impossible for a human and an elf to find happiness ?

The graceful woman also took her time to answer.

-Love is a beautiful thing. The most wonderful blessing the Maker gave us... No one should feel ashamed of it. (this sounded good) However... Humanity is filled with imperfection, as well as elves. The wound we share isn't healed yet and I'm afraid such a love would only bring hardship – she momentarily stopped and he could feel her gaze burning between his shoulder blades; putting a hand on the floor, he turned around – And the hardship can turn to misery if the difference is too big.

So she had understood who he was talking about. He wasn't really surprised, she had always been extremely perceptive. He wasn't getting the kind of answer he had wanted though.

-You do not seem to appreciate my advice.

It was a statement. Nothing more.

He had made sure to refrain any negative signs. Had his eyes betrayed him ?

He turned completely toward the woman and stood up. What she was saying made sense. It wasn't too far to the kind of conclusion Fenris had come to. And maybe he'd have agreed if the protagonists had been different. He wasn't objective, even if he should be.

-Forgive me, revered Grand Cleric, but...if love is the most wonderful gift the Maker gave us, wouldn't it be a sin to reject it ?

Her brow raised ever so slightly. Sebastian tried his best not to decipher her expressions, it'd have been disrespectful. The easiest way was to lower his gaze.

-You're right Sebastian. Rejecting the blessing is a sin. But this wasn't what I meant. As you may know, sometimes the greatest proof of love one can show is to let go.

This time he couldn't help but fully show his disagreement. Pretty much ironical, if considering he didn't even believe in the existence of love between mortals.

-Forgive me, revered Grand Cleric Elthina, I know of your wisdom, but I am sure the Maker have made me cross path with them for a purpose.

-The Maker works in mysterious ways, to read too much through his lines can be dangerous.

-I am aware of it, but I know I can't be mistaken.

She closed her eyes for a few seconds. There was still no sign of any negative emotions emanating from her. She gave out a light sigh.

-May Andraste's light guide you and proves you right then.

Sebastian bowed forward as a sign of respect and thanks. It was too early to give up on those two.


End file.
